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Thinking of you

I remember tucking you in that one last time, filling your feeding pump, giving you an injection of morphine, crushing a load of antibiotics for you. I laid down in bed with you and let your little brother kick you through my tummy while you slapped at him and weakly smiled. We took some pictures with you that night cause I knew somehow you weren’t going to be with us much longer.
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I’m trying hard.

Tomorrow is five years. Five years, without her. I’m in the middle of packing to move, my last week of school. I’m trying really hard to keep my shit together, trying to rein it in. It’s taken all of my strength to keep from crying today. I’ll be working on only one person tomorrow, I’m scared I’m not in a good place to do it either. The longer today has gone the lower I’ve become. I usually write her a letter every year on her birthday, and on the anniversary of her death.

This year I’ll do the best I can. I feel worse this year than previous years, could be the stress I’m under with school, money, moving, impending oregon board testing, or the wedding. I don’t know. We’ll see what I manage to do tonight on writing her letter.

DMV hell…

So it’s 4:26 in the PM and here I am stuck in the endless line at the DMV “express”, and I do use the term express loosly.  I was here this morning before it was clearly apparent I would be late for school, and likely Xander’s 7th birthday next weekend.  We’ll see how this shapes up.. Opperation name change commences now.  Update to follow..

Mobile post FTW!!

Seems I can’t sit down to post for nuthin’ these days. So here’s the latest tid bits…

My wedding dress arrived today, fits like a glove. It’s awesome and I love it to pieces. Big bummer, it’s a tad to short for my tall ass, and with the rate at which I’ve been losing weight it’s gonna have to be altered within an inch of its hand beaded life.

School is speeding along I have two more weeks in class before clinic begins, my mock practical is on Tuesday afternoon. I’m still freaking out over the kinesiology portion, but I have six weeks in clinic with review. Plus!! Wendy the ever awesomest ever girlfriend on the planet is going to run me through kinesiology drills and cram it down my throat. Olive juice Wendy!!!

The boys have been good, Butter has been a challenge. He’s been lying, screaming, breaking things. In general being a little turd. We’re contemplating therapy for him, and a check up for Xan.

I suppose that’s all for now, as posting from my phone blows the big one. Ta ta kiddies!!

Things begin to come together…

…and a little self doubt.  First the good stuff!  Reese is being incredibly helpful, he’s spoken to the church and reception all people, everything there appears to be going smoothly.  He’s helped with invitation lists, designed the invitations, RSVP cards, and preped the order to be processed.  My MOH is busy make flower, dress plans, and is currently waiting patiently to get the photos of the church so the flowers can be planned appropriately.  All the flowers will be shipped in from southern California so we know they all match eachother and Jennifer can select them in person rather than worry they won’t work together.

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What a month!

I’m engaged!!  Reese asked me to marry him on February 1st, 2011.   We’ve set the date for June 25th, 2011.  It’s fast, less time to plan than I anticipated, but it’s probably for the best.

We’ve managed to find a dress, photographer, church, minister, suit rental, MOH, best man, blah, blah, blah, blah…  O.o Continue reading ›

I need to work harder at keeping this updated!!!

I have made no resolutions for the new year, because I honestly think they’re all bullshit. Who really ever sticks to the grandiose promises that they make to themselves. I’ve decided that I’m going to post some I’m going to post some “trys”.

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Just say no to Pajama Jeans!!

SRSLY!?!?! Just say NO! NO! Oh yes my friend this is evil. The down fall of modern fashion. Women have finally gone to far. I once thought that snuggies were the end all be all I was wrong. if I catch someone wearing a pair of these I may actually wear a pair of sweat pants. Continue reading ›

Separations, and a trip.

In past relationships I’ve been good about time apart. Business trip, no problem, weekend away, go for it, night out with the boys, right on brother! Not so much now. It’s perplexing, and a little upsetting to me. When we lived apart it was nice to have our different spaces, and know the other was about a hundred yards away. Now we live together it’s comforting to know he’s right around the corner or upstairs.

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Ever have one of those days where all you want to do is jam a pencil in your eye? Yeah that’s my day..